Coping with grief after loss

How to Recognize and Change Your Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Posted by on Jul 29, 2015 in Uncategorized | Comments Off on How to Recognize and Change Your Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Dealing with a passive-aggressive lover, mate, co-worker, friend or family member can be a continuing source of aggravation and frustration for most people. If you engage in this type of behavior very often, you may be harming your most important relationships and sabotaging your chances to be successful in your endeavors. What Passive-Aggressive Behavior Is This is a continuing pattern of incongruent communication and actions, which means you Make promises you have no intention of keeping. “Forget” important duties, dates, deadlines, etc. Don’t talk honestly about problems to the people you need to have conversations with, and instead complain to others about them. Secretly obstruct others’ efforts. Don’t share your true thoughts, feelings, or opinions, or you share them at inappropriate times in self-defeating, relationship-damaging ways. Why You Are Prone to This At some point in your childhood or early adulthood, you could not openly express yourself and felt constrained. It could be that your parents were neglectful, derisive, bullying, abusive, or very controlling. In this atmosphere, it was impossible to get your emotional needs met. You coped with a veneer of submissiveness, but inwardly you felt rebellious and resentful. So you developed passive-aggressive traits as survival mechanisms. The problem is now these aren’t working well, and it’s time to evolve beyond it. How to Change Your Behavior One important way to overcome a passive-aggressive behavioral stance is to work on your communication style. The best one to learn about is the assertive style rather than an aggressive (belligerent or confrontational) or a passive (docile) style. This type of communication shows respect for self and others, and it is fueled by a healthy self esteem and self confidence. When you use this style, you communicate things clearly and honestly, plus you use a steady voice. If you make a commitment, you follow through promptly in this mode. You stand up for what is right, beneficial, and effective when it is appropriate to do so, but you don’t yell, insult, or judge others. You reason with people instead of bullying them or giving up. This is a “let us work together and get things done” stance. Say an acquaintance asks you to help them move and you don’t want to. In fact, you hate helping people move. In a passive-aggressive mode you might agree but come late, drop something and break it, or lift something too heavy, strain your back and then complain loudly to make them feel guilty. In an aggressive mode, you could put your friend down and bluntly refuse. In a passive mode, you would help, but feel put upon. In an assertive mode, you would either agree to help for a couple of hours, or refuse and explain nicely that you don’t want to or can’t. Professional Help You will want to seek the services of a therapist who can help you identify the causes of passive-aggressive behavior and increase your motivation overcome this tendency. A professional like Albano Fischetti Counseling can guide you to make incremental changes and may also role-play so that you can practice assertiveness. With this practice, assertive communication and behavior can become your default...

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Tips For Assessing Patient Privacy Levels

Posted by on Jul 28, 2015 in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Tips For Assessing Patient Privacy Levels

If you are considering going to see a counselor, you have some very private things to discuss. That means you want to work with a professional and service that takes your privacy seriously, no matter what it pertains to. You certainly don’t want to find out the hard way that they didn’t take your privacy as seriously as you thought they would, so take the time to assess them before you actually go to your first appointment. Use the tips below to help you learn how seriously your potential counselor and/or their company takes your privacy. Ask About Documentation The convenience of maintaining records online is something that many medical facilities utilize on a regular basis. It works well for them because it makes record-keeping and billing easier, but how well does it work for you? Online information is seemingly regularly accessed by people it shouldn’t be seen by. You can better guarantee your privacy if all patient records are handwritten without any kind of computer backups involved. Pay Attention to Conversations As you sit in the waiting room, pay attention to the conversations around you. If you hear a patient being discussed, you can avoid confrontation by leaving, but should at some point contact the managerial staff to let them know that you overhead private information that should not have been shared. You might also keep your ears open when walking to the office. A nearby break room might offer enlightenment as to whether or not the staff is discussing patients when they shouldn’t be. Ask About Clients This particular tip can give you a bit of insight into your counselor as well as letting you know about privacy levels. The staff might tell you some of the issues that they treat, but they should not mention any names or details about specific patients. For example, if you are seeing a counselor because you are depressed, it’s helpful for you to know that they consistently treat several types of depression. On the other hand, you should never hear statements like “We have one patient who…” because the next time that conversation happens, it could be you they are talking about. You have to be able to trust the people you are depending on, like Kay M. Shilling MD PC, to help you deal with your issues. It isn’t just about keeping your financial information secure, but your personal information as well. If you do have concerns about the privacy levels the staff uses, talk with an administrator about it so that the issue can be addressed immediately.          ...

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Divorce Is Not An Option: Tips For Improving Christian Marriage Relationships

Posted by on Jul 27, 2015 in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Divorce Is Not An Option: Tips For Improving Christian Marriage Relationships

Many Christian couples feel that marriage is a sacrament and that divorce is generally contrary to God’s plan. However, they may be disheartened to find that they are still having contention and problems in the marriage. Follow these tips to improve your relationship and strengthen your marriage. Improve Your Worship The first thing you and your spouse need to do is improve your study of the gospel and your activity in your congregation.             Pray daily individually and with your spouse.             Study the scriptures with your spouse.             Join and actively participate in a small group Bible study.             Sit together in church meetings; don’t put the kids between you.             Try to improve each day. Foster Unity and Equality Many couples have a hard time figuring out their roles as husband and wife, especially since they know that the husband is the head of the household. Have a discussion with your spouse and ask him if he thinks God loves men more or women less. Once you agree that God loves all of his children equally, you can understand that having the man as the head of the household is simply God’s way of organizing. It does not mean that men are better than women. You must learn to share leadership in the home. Both husband and wife must have an understanding of and partial control of decision-making, money management, problem solving, teaching children and disciplining children. This means that you need to spend a lot of time together discussing these topics. You need to talk about what your goals are and create steps for how you are going to reach them. Marriage is not passive. You must actively take part in continuously strengthening it. Respect is absolutely necessary to a strong marriage. If you respect someone, are you going to talk badly about him or her to your friends? No. Do not fall in to the trap of complaining about your spouse to your friends, which shows a lack of respect. If there is a problem, then talk to your spouse so that you can fix it together! The marriage covenant is between you, your spouse and God. Do not invite your friends into the marriage bed. Who is Winning? When there is contention in your home you need to think about who is winning. Is there an argument about how to use money? Who is winning and who is losing? Do you really want your marriage to be about keeping score and tracking points? The only one who is winning when there is fighting and contention is the devil. The only real way that you will win is if your spouse is right there at your side.  To learn more, speak with a marriage counselor like Robbins Tim...

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Depressed Teens: Early Treatment May Prevent Future Episodes

Posted by on Jul 20, 2015 in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Depressed Teens: Early Treatment May Prevent Future Episodes

Parents of teenagers often miss depression in their children because of how tumultuous the emotions are in this season of life. Unsure whether or not to seek psychiatric help–and sometimes embarrassed to do so–some parents just take a “wait it out” approach, hoping that unsettling moods and behaviors will pass as their children mature. However, a new study suggests it is of critical importance to seek treatment now so as to prevent lifelong recurrences of depressive episodes. Is it depression? You may first wonder if your teen is depressed–or just being a teenager. While it is true that adolescence is fraught with emotional responses to minor triggering events, depression is a genuine occurrence in millions of teenagers each year. In 2012, 2.2 million American teens experienced at least one episode of major depression. Here are some of the symptoms of adolescent depression: pervasive sadness that lasts more than two weeks irritable mood or outbursts of anger change in eating or sleeping habits withdrawal from social activities (or, conversely, spending an inordinate amount of time with a new peer group) expressing feelings of hopelessness statements indicating suicidality While this is not an exhaustive list of symptoms, these are frequent “red flag” signals of depression. Hippocampus: brain area linked to depression Results of a huge international study just published in Medical News Today (MNT) point to a link between depression and an area of the brain called the hippocampus. Specifically, researchers found that depression is more likely to occur in people who have a small hippocampus. Further, those who suffered from recurrent depression were more likely to have a smaller hippocampus than those who had only experienced one depressive episode. And lastly, those who experienced depression for the first time before the age of 21 were more likely to have a small hippocampus than those whose first episode happened after their formative years. Early treatment is critical It is possible that untreated depression early in life may cause brain changes that lead to recurrent episodes throughout one’s lifetime. Therefore, the study’s co-author urges clinical treatment during the first episode of depression, especially if it occurs during childhood or adolescence. This may prevent changes in the hippocampus that could lead to a lifetime of depressive episodes. If you think your teen may be depressed, you can start by making an appointment with the pediatrician. If your insurance does not require a referral from a primary care provider, you can call the behavioral health department of your health care system and make a psychiatry appointment. If you do not have health insurance, a community clinic like Comprehensive Behavioral Health Associates Inc can screen your child and refer you to a therapist who counsels on a sliding scale or low-cost basis. Help is out there–use it now so your teen has the best chance at a bright...

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Five Things You Can Do To Fight Less

Posted by on Jul 16, 2015 in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Five Things You Can Do To Fight Less

The vast majority of arguments between couples happen because one (or both) of the people have some unmet needs. If you can learn to take care of these needs (or ask your spouse to help you meet these needs), you will have a healthier relationship. Here are five things you can do to remove contention and get along better.  1. HALT. Before you engage with your spouse, ask yourself if either of you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. These four things cause tempers to flare and feelings to get hurt. Never talk about anything important before you have eaten, slept, relaxed, and connected.  2. Learn to recognize your emotions. Label them clearly when you are thinking and talking about them. You can study Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotion to learn the names of emotions and how they relate to each other. Sometimes just labeling an emotion correctly and acknowledging it will release it. If you notice your partner is overreacting to something small, ask some gentle questions to figure out what they are feeling and why. Chances are high that whatever they are upset about is representative of something else. If notice yourself or your spouse consistently overreacting, consider seeing a family counselor, such as those at The Center for Family Counseling, Inc. They can help you uncover those buried emotions.  3. Take a breath. Before you talk to your partner about something important, take a few seconds to do a couple of things. First, ask yourself how strong your emotion is. Label it from one to ten. Then, ask yourself whether or not the situation warrants the number you gave it. If the number is too high, picture removing the emotion from your body (view it as a ball you are holding), taking some of it out, and releasing it. Once you are aware of how you are feeling, move to the next step. 4. Plan your conversation. Take a minute or two to decide exactly what you want to say. Only choose to say things that are fair, kind, and helpful. You can definitely tell your partner how you are feeling, but don’t blame him or her or use exaggerating words (like “always” or “never”).  5. Learn to validate yourself. Your partner cannot validate all of your emotions, even if they try. Here are some things you can do to validate yourself: ask yourself what you are hoping your spouse will say and then say it to yourself frequently ask yourself what you need right now and then meet those needs pay attention to what you are feeling and tell yourself that you have a right to feel what you are feeling  write down the things you love about yourself in your journal As you and your partner do these five things, you will be able to connect more and fight less. Good...

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Arguing Like A Role Model: How To Keep Your Kids From Worrying When You Disagree With Your Spouse

Posted by on Jul 15, 2015 in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Arguing Like A Role Model: How To Keep Your Kids From Worrying When You Disagree With Your Spouse

Even the best couples have the occasional fight or disagreement, and some couples manage to remain happy together despite fighting like cats and dogs. Children, however, can mix up your normal conflict resolution habits. Instead of fighting like you always did, which may scare the kids, use these techniques to help solve problems without making them worry. Keep Love In The Conversation When children are young, they can easily mistake a heated argument between you and your partner for a sign that you don’t love each other anymore. This can be incredibly upsetting and confusing for your child, who may start to worry over even the occasional minor disagreements you have with your spouse. A great way to alleviate this anxiety is for each of you to remind the other that they are loved during arguments. This can be as simple as using pet names or holding hands while you discuss things.  During a heated argument, try to slow down the discussion so you can keep things civil. Listen attentively to your partner and give your side of the issue in a respectful way. Work together with your partner to compromise. This can reduce the chances of getting into a worse fight, and will give your child a good impression of how adults handle disagreements. After the argument is over, it’s a good idea to hug or kiss your partner to show your kid that it’s possible to resolve problems without holding a grudge. Follow The Rules Of Engagement No matter how angry you get, you have to be careful when arguing in front of your kid. Discuss ground rules with your partner for how to handle disputes, and make sure to abide by these rules as much as possible. Having a routine for handling issues between you and your partner will not only keep things from getting too heated, but also help speed the discussion along. For starters, avoid calling one another names, yelling, making violent or intimidating motions, and bringing up sensitive adult topics when the kids are present. If you break one of these rules during an argument, it’s important to offer your partner a heartfelt apology in front of your children. You should also sit your child down and explain that being mean during an argument isn’t okay, even if an adult does it, but that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Even at your worst, you and your partner are still setting the example for your children. Helping young kids understand that you can love someone and disagree with them is an important part of being a parent, and so is instilling a sense of love and respect. The next time you and your spouse get into a disagreement, you can head off unnecessary worries by trying some of these gentler arguing techniques in front of the kids. Contact Drake Counseling Services for more information on couples...

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